Beautiful Suicide

 

mani sul viso

 

i avoid your embrace for fear of immolation but

today decided to die

to feel the flesh

melt from my bones

 

 

we are grown black boys in white socks

dragging  feet across carpet

 
we hide prophet smiles

because we know the same secret

 

we know that when finger meets flesh

we will be lightning-skin and laughter

shock and tangibility

 

we will be distortion of black boy forms

because black boys ain’t allowed to laugh

& black boys ain’t allowed to love

& black boys ain’t allowed to feel

because black boys don’t exist

 

for a moment we will lose

the predictability of our bodies

be all energy and truth

be telling of secrets

be book of revelations

be whole hearts

come together to foretell the end

of what we were told

it means to be a man

 

we will be

in a back and forth thing

where energy is all that really matters

 

most days I just want to sit beside you

head on shoulder, falling apart

in an arrangement of energies

that teach us touching

is not designed to kill

only to perfect our desire to die

 

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